bring money and cleavage
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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