When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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