Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
