I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
