i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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