i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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