I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
