90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
