Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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