She just used a chaser for red wine.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
