dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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