Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
