Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize