Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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