Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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