Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize