You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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