I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
