She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
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