finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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