I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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