Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
