I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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