Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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