Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
