Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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