Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
