it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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