I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
