I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
