So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
