He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
