There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
