Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My cat gives me a boner
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
