I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My dick has a subreddit
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
