We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
