He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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