I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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