I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize