I think my fart just growled at me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
