Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
