in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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