a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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