Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And then he peed in my hair
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