i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
What a dumb baby whore.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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