Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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