It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
