what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
