Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
