it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
MIDGETS
????
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
