I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
