I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
