so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
