is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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