So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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