I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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