white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
