I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
