his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
