Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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