I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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